


Pulling Back

by Cattleya



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Dissociation, Dissociative Kageyama Tobio, M/M, One Shot, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-27 02:30:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5030206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cattleya/pseuds/Cattleya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's hard coping with not being fully present in your own body, but sometimes the smallest things can be grounding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pulling Back

**Author's Note:**

> My dissociative ass needed something to relate to, and sometimes how energetic my cosplay partner is helps ground me.  
> (Another one I was planning to continue to working on, but finally admitted it just wasn't going to happen.)

It's not always quite that bad, but the dissociation gets to him at the worst times, sometimes even affecting the accuracy of his tosses. It's not a deep lost feeling like he knows some other people get, but more like a terrifying vacancy. So when he feels a tough clap against his shoulder after a toss, and he snaps back to hear the cheers of his team, he's sure this is what will get him through it.

Maybe that's why he's so responsive to the sound of Hinata yelling his name before he goes to spike, how sometimes it's not so much a conscious reaction. Spike after spike, calls of, "Kageyama, bring me the ball!" and he thinks it's become his favorite thing.

Hinata reacts much the same way when he says his name, puts his hands on either side of Hinata's face before pressing a kiss to the top of his head, a tentative 'thank you' for all the ways he's helped him. He doesn't wait for Hinata to speak before walking quickly out of the gym, bag clutched tightly between his fingers. He might be too fond of the way Hinata looked at him afterward.

He starts repeating the same gesture, gently kissing Hinata's forehead often after practice. They get looks from their teammates, an occasional eye roll from Daichi and at one point even a wolf whistle from Tanaka after a practice match (just before he's yelled at to put his shirt back on). Kageyama likes to ignore it.

He finds it's a good way to stay present just a bit longer, because sometimes he needs something to ground him. Hinata is warm, and light, and he doesn't miss the way Hinata presses closer to him, not much of a change, but just enough for him to notice.

Maybe that's why he's so confused when he sees Hinata getting upset about it, keeping the contact brief, light, his eyebrows coming together frustratedly before he makes his way out of the gym.

It's when he stops doing it that he finds out why, after he decides it's not worth upsetting Hinata, that he needs to respect his personal space if that's what he wants. He finds it enough relying on the way Hinata calls his name before a toss, hearing the excited yell after the ball makes contact with the court on the other side of the net.

Maybe that's why he stops, one foot out the door when Hinata comes after him, his name hanging in the air. He grabs onto his sleeve, looking at him as if to as he's done something wrong.

He asks what he's doing, pulling lightly at the sleeve still in Hinata's grip.

He's a bit surprised how serious Hinata can sound when he says he hasn't kissed him yet, and Kageyama reminds him he's not ten, and he's not his mother kissing him goodnight, but Hinata doesn't let go of him until he leans down, and he stops him from leaning away this time.

He's less surprised when he pulls him down to press a kiss against his lips, staying there only for a few seconds. Hinata lets go of him abruptly, and gives him a too loud goodbye before running out of the gym.

Kageyama decides he's fine with the change.


End file.
